please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
