Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
