Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
