I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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