my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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