Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
