She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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