I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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