i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
