i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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