3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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