My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
IāM PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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