this beer tastes like vomit already
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
