Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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