Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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