how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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