Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
