i think my mom watched the whole time
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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