Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
