there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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