mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
