found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
