he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
