As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
is wine microwaveable?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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