You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
