So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
