...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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