What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
