Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
