The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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