Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
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She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
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I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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