This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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