I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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