Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
