Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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