Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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