Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
