You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
someone threw a dead crab at me
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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