I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
