dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
...so i touched it.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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