i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
