You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
