Your tits are I can't wait for
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
