my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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