Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
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So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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