Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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