Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
