last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
