Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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