My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
