Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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