He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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