oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
