$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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