my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
