Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
A+ Viking dick
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
