We're facebook friends in real life
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
