hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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