i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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