I think my fart just growled at me.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
