His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
