dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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