life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize