Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i was born a porn star she said
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
