I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
