I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
