this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
