if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
