omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize