i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
