What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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