think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
