Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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