I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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