My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
