im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He? As in you personified your dick?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
