I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
